Health Obsession
Balance. It can often be easier said than done, especially when it comes to health, self-image, and the food we eat. Balance can be tricky. But the truth is the only difficult thing to overcome is your own mind. We can retrain our brains. We can become more self-aware. It is possible. I will never accept the denial of this universal truth.
I have been on the extreme side of health obsession. I understand the dangers to the mind and body that extreme adherence to health-related things can cause. I guess the medical term is Orthorexia and classified as an eating disorder. I was doing all of these things for my body, but the stress of keeping up with the research and the next “best” thing for my health and concerning myself with everyone around me was not doing me any good. They say that stress kills and there is research to back that up.
That superfood and healthy eating obsession was hard to keep up with mentally and financially. I am not saying healthy eating is expensive. This is different. I had gotten myself to a point where I always felt like what I was doing wasn’t good enough. That I was missing something that could help me. I felt guilty and would overthink when I had ‘normal’ or ‘bad’ stuff. When I would stumble upon research about implementing certain amazing plants or superfoods, sometimes as simple as a spice, but something that would help my metabolism or do something else I wanted then I felt like I needed to get it or I was doing something wrong. I felt like whatever that was, that could help me get where I want to get.
This was a health and physical image fueled obsession. At the time, I would’ve been in denial that I was obsessed or I would have justified it. But the truth is I kept what was going on in my brain to myself because my friends would’ve questioned me and probably been a little worried just like my mom was at times.
I had it in my mind that I wouldn’t get the results from a health, body image, vitality, and longevity perspective if I did not acquire whatever ingredient I felt I needed. And do you know how MANY ingredients there are out there, how many “superfood” plants there are? Looking back I wish I could shake myself a bit and say “thank you for caring but please calm down. This is not healthy and you are doing too much.”
On the body image/physique side of things, being self-conscious about my lower belly 'pooch', cellulite, this or that, many people can relate to that. I remember I couldn’t even thoroughly enjoy my ‘cheat meals’ when I did start to get better about superfood/health obsessing. I still wasn’t in a healthy place with my relationship to food.
I remember my friend helped talk some sense into me when we were in Toronto and ready to splurge on vegan food. In so many words, she pretty much was like “dude, are you kidding me? How in the hell are you concerned about how many calories are in the food you are eating? We are walking 15+ miles each day! Eat the damn sandwich!" This helped me to not under eat and it couldn’t be more true. It all boils down to calories in vs. calories out if you want to cut a little weight off.
Inevitably, if you know me, all the research and facts I was armed with would equally stress me to see all of the people I love doing all the “wrong” things. I cannot control what other people put into their bodies. That wouldn’t be normal and I do not want to, ew. But to be so wrapped up and focused on health research and what to have, what not to have, I was hyper-focused and hyper-aware all the time. It was exhausting to be around my friends and family. It was exhausting in general. I lived with my mom at the time, so you can imagine that was unpleasant for us both. My mom was simply who I felt most comfortable lecturing and pleading to stop eating x, y, z, start eating x, y, z, as one of the people I was very concerned about. I could not lecture my dad like that.
I did have some issues with my mom and I know I had a few tense moments with other loved ones because I was so concerned with what they put in their bodies and just felt hopeless about that. I won’t even get into the more emotional side of things regarding eating meat and veganism right now.
I still encourage the people I love to reduce, eliminate, or add something if they ask me for tips or opinions, but on a much healthier, calmer scale. I understand that you cannot convince anyone or sell them on anything if you nag them about it. I understand that people have to feel like something is their idea. I have a much healthier, strategic approach and relationship to influencing my loved ones now.
Now, I have a healthier relationship with food and my body image. I know it is okay to have some naughtier foods in my life, and as long as I don’t overdo it calorically, I won’t gain too much weight overall. And no matter what, I love myself regardless. I implement superfoods into my everyday life, but I am not too concerned about what superfoods I am not implementing (I do need to re-up on some sea moss though…) I trust my bit of knowledge has brought the right foods into my life and I eat well. I understand the most important thing is ensuring I have all my nutrients, minerals, vitamins and a proper balance of carbs/fat/protein/fiber.
I trust for the most part that I am doing a great job. I tell myself I am, and I am proud of the healthy choices I make on the regular. I love my body as it is at all times. It's okay to work towards a goal, but appreciate and love yourself as you are through the journey.
I had to work on myself and my mind and heal a bit to get past that obsession. If you are in the midst of that or can relate to some of my past feelings, I encourage you to heal past it. We deserve to feel light and free.